BOOK CONTEST WINNER Crystal Lane Swift

Writing Our Love Story

Previously Published 

“A Moment in Class” appeared in Literary Alchemy Press

“Anew” appeared in Voice of Eve

“Our Love Story” appeared in Spectrum

“The Moment” appeared in Child Owlet Magazine

“How it is With You” & “You’re a Day at the Beach” appeared in Stormy Island Review

Crystal Lane Swift, PhD is a pushcart nominated writer and communication professor
with accolades in film, academia, and creative writing who speaks, signs, acts, publishes,
sings, performs, writes, paints, teaches and rarely relaxes.  She has presented over 50
times at communication conferences, published 15 academic articles, two academic
books, two full-length literary collections: God Bless Paul and Soup Stories: A
Reconstructed Memoir and two chapbooks: The Way We Were and Tumbleweed: 
Against All Odds.  She is raising her daughter and dog with her love in Alhambra, CA. 

A Moment in Class

I rose above myself as you read my writing over my shoulder. I begged you to join me and
you relented your resistance. We’re only in love because it’s forbidden. Don’t worry beloved.
I’ll never tell. We can mask our romance with illusion—twists of wit—tongues caught in cheeks
—I will go home alone. Your lines will ring in my ear, but my outsides will let it go. I can’t
afford to lose your friendship or respect.  Laugh it all off as you always do—I’ll bury it
beneath my cynicism. I’ve no time nor desire for romance.

If Only

If only I had met you 

before 

I made my permanent vow of silence

Silence at every complaint

inconvenience

suffering

If only I had known 

how long life can be 

when you put roots in the wrong soil 

use the wrong fertilizer

If only

In one conversation

you feel me shift from 

cannot move

to

I’ll see how long

I can stay still

Anew

I was a walking dead woman 

I had released any hope of joy

My scars threatened to reopen

You tell a tragic story so beautifully, you say,

touching my hand 

as if it were the most beautiful appendage 

God had ever created.

Don’t kiss me, I tell you, 

hugging you, 

trying my best not to allow your scent 

to completely intoxicate me.  

It will only make it harder.

You know I’m leaving; 

you’ll let me go—but you don’t want to.  

Well, if I can’t kiss you, someone should.

How You Sweep Me off My Feet

1. You notice me
I notice you too
There was a spark from the beginning

2. You listen to the good, the bad, the happy, and sad
You remember everything I say

3. You tailor your communication to fit what you know about me
You learn me so well

4. You wait
Even when the waiting gets nearly impossible

5. You respond
In ways that were previously only in dreams or movies

6. You keep noticing
Every little thing

7. You keep listening
To every little thing

8. You love me

Your Acceptance

I stand before you

Stripped of external glory

All those accomplishments fall away

My once svelte body now softer around the edges

All I planned, slipping like hourglass sand through my fingers

I can no longer keep myself busy enough to distract from my despair

You say you will take me as I am

Moment by Moment

We’ve said it in every language but English

We’re mastering this Levanasian orientation care for the other unmatched by precedence

You are worth re-arranging my life for

There are no words, only images

Moonlight paints a coat of dim light around our cocoon

You keep tapping at my heart to offer me yours

[I invite you in]

Your fingers lace through mine like the perfect pair of gloves

You smell like home

Sweat                                                  Bacon on the Stove                                  Bubble Bath

We’re composing this song written with this history we’re building

Brick by brick

Moment by moment

Mile by mile

Look by look 

Smile by smile

Transcendental, transformational, fingertip to fingertip, lip to lip, hip to hip

This dance is more graceful than any lake of swans

Even when we ignite that stubbornness within

We’re filling our canvas with strokes of memories and moments 

    we never could have authored on our own

You've discovered a depth I never thought I had. 

I pale by comparison. 

I'm pale by comparison.

I'm a pale comparison. 

Your digging and my building synthesize to a beauty yet to be expressed.

Write me between your lines 

Etch me into the history we’re building

Text by text

Meal by meal

Night by night

Word by word

Breath by breath

Kiss by kiss

Trace my outline with your fingertips as you let me in a little farther, a little deeper

Until we are Aristotle’s one soul in two bodies

Until we simultaneously embody Derrida’s host and hostage

May our intellect deconstruct the surface paradoxes

May our compassion reappropriate our differences to similarities

May our joy fill the [scars and] holes that others left

Allow the windows of your soul to swallow mine in this moment

[Promise me forever and let us both spend the rest of time attempting to make good on that promise]

Take me by the hand

Lead with a pull

Follow my tug

The Sharpening

The edges were always sharp

Clean

Thick black lines

Like they were made by a steady hand and a Sharpie

Everything was neat and clean

No further explanation needed

Picture perfect

Like contemporary design

Nothing complicated

But no color either

Then you blew your kiss

Two fingers to your lips

Straight to my heart

A little light began in my chest

Each beat spreading the light toward my extremities

My perfectly planned world

Suddenly exposed as grey and white and black

You brought your rainbow

Your bold colors

Your heat

Your feeling and openness

Things have never been sharper

I Called You Poet

I called you poet

Your ears blushed at my suggestion

You think the poet must beautify 

Create a doily or rainbow

Perhaps all we do is tell the truth

Show the imperfections that exist

But appreciate them

You do

You told me something beautiful

I swooned

You showed me your walking corpse metaphor

The one that shows how I have your heart

I nearly cried

You share with me 

Every longing

Kiss

Need

Touch 

Want

With your words

You poet

Your Words

Not long ago, the only romance I had was in the form of watching romantic comedies

You’re my dream girl

The guy always said the prefect things

I can’t believe I get to love you

I longed for that, knowing it was a pipe dream

This was never anything but serious

I have learned it can be real

I look forward to Saturdays

People only call it corny to console themselves about not having that perfect mate

I was just thinking that I get to have you as my wife one day, if you’ll have me

I believe in you and all of the promises you have made

Who we Are

I was once Pam with a Roy

Passing ships in the night

You were Jim with a Karen

With someone just not right

We’ve never been Erin and Gabe

Insecure and a wrong fit

We’re a little Michael and Jan 

Not a lot, but in humor a bit

We’re a little Andy and Erin

Fun loving and free

A little Andy and Angela

When I take things too seriously

Even Dwight and Angela 

Talking in code in the office

A bit Ryan and Kelly

Not at all cautious

We’re kind of Phyllis and Bob

As to old hits we dance

Also Michael and Holly

In our brand of romance

As many different characters we can be

When we look at who you are and I am

Let’s be completely honest

You’re really the Jim to my Pam

Restraint

When I worked in a bakery

sometimes my hot pads would slip 

and I would try to touch the hot pan without touching it

Now I have 

Hugged you with the slightest space between our chests

Kissed you without kissing you

Laid next to you without sleeping with you

Held your hand without fingers interlocking

Made love without sex

Imagine if we could only get closer

Your Songs

A joke and a look sparked some strange magic

Something about us made it impossible to deny

Your heart, beating in tune with mine, creating the perfect rhythm for a moondance

I want nothing more than to be true to you

The way you make me feel is better than I have perhaps ever

And you do it time after time

Especially when we’re one on one

I was born in November, you in July

The time since building to our fantasy

We’ll enjoy a sweet summer breeze now instead of 

Sitting around, holding back the years

Each year apart felt so long, so meandering, but this will be our year

Let’s stay together

Journey to Oz

The tin man was missing a heart

the scarecrow a brain

and the lion courage

My heart beats more 

in your chest 

than my own

When you walk away

my skin begins to firm 

and shine to tin

My mind fixates on you

occasionally abandoning its responsibilities

As your touch singes my skin

it singes my straw

The courage I never thought I would have 

is apparent now

You don’t stand in front of me 

or behind, so we travel down the yellow brick road 

hand in hand 

on this shared journey to Oz

How it is With You

Something about the bite of the evening air 

mixed with the sharp smell of pine
I am 16 or 17 again
There’s a sick in the pit of my stomach 

20 years ago this was due to a deep insecurity and fear of the future 

Now it’s just an aching and longing for you
You have renewed my youth 

reignited my passions

We didn’t dress up our baggage 

and set in a corner 

in hopes that it would remain undiscovered

Instead we brought it to the center of the room 

opened it up 

showed each other each item that had brought us 

shame 

pain 

worry

No rejection

Only hope 

Love 

My heartbeat has changed

My heart beats within you

And yours within me

The Moment

We spend an evening bathed in the lights of the parking lot.

Whether it is seconds or hours, I cannot decipher.

We sit in the car, is it mine or yours?

Our immediate scene fades behind your smile, your confession, my reciprocal expression, the night freezing around us.

I do not expect the sincerity of your words to hit me square in the chest.

My head is magnetized to you shoulder.

Your hands caress my cheek.

Your lips dance with mine . . .

 . . . or does the music dance for you?

You translate una lingua I only mostly understand.

I press this intensity deeper into my heart and soul to save for another day.

Your eyes lock with mine and I cannot help but place my lips and my words to your ear.

I cannot believe I get to keep you

Believe it, baby.

I leave heat on your throat and you do not blush away.

This is the first of our moment nuestro momento inolvidable.

What You Keep Doing to Me

That body of yours

Those eyes

That face

That smile

The way you look at me

Shake your head in disbelief

I need to be near you

I need to go to sleep with you

I need to wake up with you

I need to be loved by you

I need to be loved by you

I need to be loved by you

Our Love Story

You are a king posing as a farm boy

Me a queen living as a princess

Trapped by a selfish prince

I shouldn’t have said, “I do”

But the prince never lived up to his vows anyhow

Your brown velvet eyes look into my soul as you whisper, “As you wish”

You make promises that almost feel inconceivable 

You make me laugh and hope

If there are rocks ahead, I know we won’t be dead

I mean it, and I know you want a peanut

No matter how high and steep the cliff

Together we will conquer

You utter the words

True love

And I believe

Change the Rain

It’s rain 

Sweet rain

Sipping in breath

As if it may not be there in the next moment

Rain

But no candles

I was dying as I breathed

No pretty perfumes

No soft music

Nothing but rain

Sweet rain

He burned the depths of me

Any virtue of my birthright was erased

I hadn’t requested this

Nothing would cleanse me again

Forever changed

But there was this rain

Sweet rain

God cried

He cried for him

He cried for me

I bled not blood

But joy

And dreams

And hope

All was stolen

I ingested the warm

Strong smoke

It circled around my head

And there was rain

Sweet rain

Trying to cool this ugly fire left in me 

With rain

Sweet rain

As if to seal the memory of this moment

Candles and rose petals 

I rise as a Phoenix with each breath

Perfumes

And your soft love songs

You ignite a fire within me

Heal wounds seen and unseen

This, the answer to my deepest desires

You cleanse what I was once forever marred

Cries joy for you

Cries joy for me

I moan not only pleasure from flesh, but soul

You give me everything

Desire within you

Pouring from mind, body, soul

You change the rain

You rewrite the rain with me

You’re a Day at the Beach

The sand scrubs my feet running on the shore

Just allowing the waves to lap the slightest at my toes

Until I’m ready for the plunge

Out I go into the freezing Pacific

Cold, icing the lifeblood in my veins

Rip tide threatening to pull me deep, too deep

I let it

Just a little

Then fight and swim my way to gentler water

Rolling as the waves are pulled by the moon

Out shown by the sun in San Diego’s July 15th noon

I ride the waves with my body back to shore

The waters hug and caress my curves

Chilling my hips, my thighs, my chest

My arms make their strokes as my legs kick

Lips go blue as the sun sinks beneath the horizon

Mother beckons me back to shore

The car ride home lulls me into a sun-warmed nap

I awaken as we pull into the garage

Manage my way to a hot shower

Discover the places that the sun kissed me too hard

The burns reveal our intimate moments like hickeys in a 19 year old’s back seat

Water pressure removes sand from places I am still discovering on my body

As I exit the shower, I wrap myself in a soft, dry towel

Take myself to my room

Put on my soft cotton skull-printed pajama bottoms and tank top

As my head rests on my pillow

I still feel the waves

Rolling through my body

Calming and massaging me to sleep

That’s what you do to me

What We Give

I’m sitting here

blushing 

at the mix of music 

you tailor made for me.

My ears and chest 

turn the color of beets

and I try to hide 

that I want you 

as much as I do . . . 

I don’t want you to lose interest.

I cannot wait to see you again, 

to hold you in my arms, 

to make you mine all over again.

You are always 

right about what I will do

before I do it.  

You know me 

better than I sometimes know myself.

I gave you everything you wanted; 

I just hope you keep coming back for more.

Love me with all that you are.

I will continue to love you with all that I am.

I fell asleep the moment you laid back and relaxed

bathed in your scent

memories spinning 

in to dreams and fantasies . . .
I barely got up in time to get here.

What You Have Done to Me . . .

I have been so very careful

guarding my heart [and such].

I have tried 

with all of my might 

to keep myself from being destroyed once more.

I thought [that if I fought for perfection] I might be a better person.

As you found your way 

toward my soul

into my heart

and under my skin . . . 

. . . my flaws [started to show through].

The iron clad façade 

[that I placed before my vulnerabilities] 

remains in tact for the world . . . 

not because I am afraid for them to see how much you mean to me . . . 

but because the world does not deserve to see 

the beauty you give to me 

and conjure up inside of my depth.

Without reservation, I give myself to you.

I can do no less.

You are everything.

Next to You

This rubber band ball of description 

will never live up to reality - - only bounce off of the perimeter and back to my hand

The Holy Book, the beer, the pen, the ball game, the sunlight and the rain

Combine to lay a path rarely taken

We worship with body and mind

Loving each other as God would have us experience

Next to you 

Touching you

Rising and falling

                                 

Shining with the morning slightly sleepy sunlight

Curled up under black stripes and fuzzy purple

Atop our forgiving pillows

We lay quietly side by side - - wrapped in each others’ flesh

As the sun rises and filters through the blinds

I’ll wake you early again

But you’ll think I’m worth it

Morning Farewell

Middle finger

Then palm to left chest

Moves outward

Index, thumb, pinky upward

Middle and ring touching palm

Smile spreads across thick pink lips

Revealing just so slightly crooked teeth

Brown velvet eyes sparkle with wonder and admiration

I’m only driving away to return

19 Again

Hanging by a Moment, you assure me

The Best is Yet to Come and I believe you

Your presence is The Haunting 

Of my soul Underneath it All

As we stroll down Ocean Avenue, you whisper

She’s so High and I know you will always elevate me

Absolutely you are co-writing this (story of a girl)

You will always get The Best of Me

Every moment we spend apart, I Wish You were Here

I hope I am all you ever wanted When You were Young and so much more

Your love makes me Vindicated

I will always strive to be your real-life Wonderwall, as you are mine

No matter what others think, we’ll never be justifiably Stigmatized in this love

The Smolder

There’s something about these late spring nights 

Epistemology of the fringe

The scent of the honeysuckle adds an edge of warmth to the crisp 

Dark laughter

I told you earlier I wasn’t fighting with you. 

I wasn’t. 

It was never about the gas station

I was only nearly wrestling with demons 

left by someone else entirely 

perhaps dark angels I created myself

Dramatic silence of the movies

I may always push 

I’m still learning about you

How did we even make it here?

I may always be obsessed with perfect surfaces

I may always convince myself I don’t deserve all that is you

The street lights flicker ever so slightly as I walked by

I wonder if that has anything to do with the electricity you’ve pushed into my heart

That field of energy that I never thought I could experience 

We know precisely what’s at stake

The complexity of articulating 

Impermanence of life

Apprehension of beauty

Dissonance

You have made the impossible within reach

To say you have changed my life will never be enough

The world isn’t even in the same medium anymore

I wonder if anyone will gather to read my words in the wake of my death

As long as we have each other in Heaven 

and leave the legacy of our children on earth

it will be enough